A friend of mine posted a story about what not to do on the bus, she lives in Ottawa, yesterday but it spurred me to remember some things that trouble me with people who do ride the bus. Here are 10 tips to successfully ride the bus without annoying the passengers and the driver.
Tip #1 – You are waiting at the bus stop, at least five minutes BEFORE the bus arrives. So, if you know that you are taking the bus (because you are at the frigging stop) please have your bus fare ready! Do not wait for the driver to open the door, and then you searching the bottom of your handbag for it. Only to realize that you do not have enough change and have to ask if anyone can spare you a quarter! No! No! No! Do not be upset if the driver puts you off the bus. Get your shit together.
Tip #2 – There are kids, seniors and prudes on the bus (I am the prude)! So please do not make out with your partner (and I mean full out tongue action) on the bus. No one needs to be know that you love each other that much. It is tacky and really gross so leave that for the bedroom, okay.
Tip #3 – Yes, public transport is cheaper than cab fare but for goodness sakes. Do not go Black Friday shopping at Walmart, come on the bus with about 20 bags then take up the three seats in the priority section (see why not in Tip #4)! This may be a good time to reassess your shopping priorities and keep cab fare for those rare days when you have more than four bags – I’m being generous!
Tip #4 – Do not sit in the priority seating area unless you are a priority. However, if you do decide to sit there, please don’t push up your face when someone with a priority comes on the bus. That is their area, not yours. You are 20 years old, stand the hell up like the rest of us.
Tip #5 – Do not take up two seats on the bus with your backpack then be annoyed because I want to sit next to you! I paid for that seat, put your shit on the ground! It’s only common courtesy. I will sit on your bag then pretend I did not realize it was there!!!! Do not tempt me, I will do it then pretend I do not speak English just to mess with you.
Tip #6 – You know that you want to get off at Talbot Street, so the smart thing to do is ring the bell after it leaves Ridout. Do not wait until the bus is in two seconds on approach to the stop to ring the bell then be upset the bus driver did not hear you! The driver’s reflexes can only react so quickly. Walk back to Talbot from Richmond and shut your damn mouth, nobody cares.
Tip #7 – It is winter and everyone is cold and happy to get on the bus. So, when you do, please walk to the back of the bus. That way everyone can get the chance to be happy as you are. Do not let the driver (or fellow passengers) have to ask you to move then you act like you have a hearing problem! You know who you are, move your ass to the back!
Tip #8 – If you live one block away should you get on the bus? Well, my answer is, it depends! There are some who live four blocks away who can use the space more effectively than you! I know it’s hard but I think that if the bus is full, help out the situation and walk. It’s good for you anyway.
Tip #9 – The sidewalks are full of snow and the City has only cleared it enough for the entrance to the bus not the exit (yes, it’s annoying but true). Maybe walk to the front when you have to get out and do not shout at the driver because you cannot get over the mountain of snow.
Tip #10 – There is a reason that someone invented ear phones! Please realize the reason without me having to look at you cross eyed because I have to not only be squished up in the bus and everyone is miserable but the last thing we want to hear is Miley Cyrus singing Wrecking Ball! That’s also why someone invented the flipping volume button! Turn it down.
I am sure there are other great tips for riding the bus but these are some of my pet peeves.