It’s Hard, Sometimes….


black-and-white-person-woman-girl-largeIt’s hard, sometimes, to be in a place alone; where no one knows who you are. They don’t know the same jokes you do. Nor do they understand you and what you stand for.

It’s hard, sometimes, to face unfriendly faces every day, when all you would rather do is run far away, but know that you have 11 years more to endure. When the very people who went through the bad times, rebuke you for freedom.

It’s hard, sometimes, when you face ugly words that make you feel so bad about yourself, that you start believing them. Even when you know it’s meant to hit at your most vulnerable spots.

It’s hard, sometimes, to wipe tears from your eyes every time you do drop offs because a piece of your heart is torn away as you see those pieces of your heart crying too.

It’s hard, sometimes, when there is no one in the new world who can champion your causes; fight your battles; wipe your tears and show someone that wrongs you, that they will stand up for you.

It’s hard, sometimes, to face every day with fear and wonder when the next battle will start. When all you want is peace and the chance to get on with things. Yet, daily there are snide remarks, undeserved comments at every turn that make you question your relevance. Some of these from unwanted circles.

It’s hard, sometimes, when you continuously take the high road, to be pulled into verbal assaults. The ones that you tried to escape legally, but still linger uncivilly.

It’s hard, sometimes, to be strong for everyone but not having anyone to be strong for you. To fight the battles of a life gone day in and day out but never seem to win. When no one cares that you did your best and regardless of the failure, it was best for everyone. Yet no one seems to understand why.

It’s hard, sometimes, to see your Cain fighting private battles of will and struggling to keep it together. All you can do is pray that year two will be better than year one and plan for the future.

It’s hard, all the time, to just know that regardless of what everyone thinks they know, they don’t really know, what you know. So while you are judged by a jury of your peers, they have not walked in your shoes, so they don’t know how small a size they were. They don’t know how good it feels to finally find a pair that fits perfectly; that lets your feet forget pain.

Do you know what? It’s easy to claim victim, but it’s hard to stand up and admit your wicked heart. It’s hard to accept responsibility and easy to shift blame. To walk around like the world owes you and your family but destroy someone at every turn with words and actions that belong on the playground.

It was hard to walk away, but it easy to leave!

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