Celebrating 12 years of life

On July 31, I took my daughter and six of her friends to spend the day at Infinity on the Beach to celebrate her birthday. All in all we had a great time. From our arrival to departure we were treated well and while there were a few hiccups along the way, including a mix up about lunch, everything was handled with such professionalism and class that we will definitely be returning.

The receptionist, Nahlia, was pleasant and not once did she show irritation when confronted with the number of guests checking in and out; persons making strange requests and managing the telephone. There was a constant flow of traffic and she kept her composure even when the pressure was on. For that alone, we commend her. I also want to commend Jennifer who assisted us during lunch along with the team during the buffet! Excellent staff is another bonus.

Best feature……there are two pools. Both were clean and nice with one being 3 feet in depth and the other 4’4″ in depth. Perfect for 12 year old girls to play in safely without a parent worrying about them having to stay from the deep end.

Lunch was delicious. There was a Sunday buffet and we were all accommodated with a tasty meal, having a choice of one each starch, meat, salad and a soft drink. We were entertained to the sounds of steelpan music and I could hear the kids singing along even though the songs were oldies!

I have to say that this was probably one of the nicest experiences, I have had for a while and would definitely return to this establishment again. Thanks to Renee Coppin and her team for making my daughter’s 12th birthday such a hit.

The girls did not want to leave but we had another venue to visit for mini golf. Another birthday, another party and it was a success.

Day pass rates: Adults – $74 ($34 redeemable in the restaurant), Children – $37  ($17 redeemable in the restaurant).

If you are looking for a day pass without the hassle, check out Infinity on the Beach!

 

It’s Hard, Sometimes….

 

It’s hard, sometimes, to be in a place alone; where no one knows who you are. They don’t know the same jokes you do. Nor do they understand you and what you stand for.

It’s hard, sometimes, to face unfriendly faces every day, when all you would rather do is run far away, but know that you have 11 years more to endure. When the very people who went through the bad times, rebuke you for freedom.

It’s hard, sometimes, when you face ugly words that make you feel so bad about yourself, that you start believing them. Even when you know it’s meant to hit at your most vulnerable spots.

It’s hard, sometimes, to wipe tears from your eyes every time you do drop offs because a piece of your heart is torn away as you see those pieces of your heart crying too.

It’s hard, sometimes, when there is no one in the new world who can champion your causes; fight your battles; wipe your tears and show someone that wrongs you, that they will stand up for you.

It’s hard, sometimes, to face every day with fear and wonder when the next battle will start. When all you want is peace and the chance to get on with things. Yet, daily there are snide remarks, undeserved comments at every turn that make you question your relevance. Some of these from unwanted circles.

It’s hard, sometimes, when you continuously take the high road, to be pulled into verbal assaults. The ones that you tried to escape legally, but still linger uncivilly.

It’s hard, sometimes, to be strong for everyone but not having anyone to be strong for you. To fight the battles of a life gone day in and day out but never seem to win. When no one cares that you did your best and regardless of the failure, it was best for everyone. Yet no one seems to understand why.

It’s hard, sometimes, to see your Cain fighting private battles of will and struggling to keep it together. All you can do is pray that year two will be better than year one and plan for the future.

It’s hard, all the time, to just know that regardless of what everyone thinks they know, they don’t really know, what you know. So while you are judged by a jury of your peers, they have not walked in your shoes, so they don’t know how small a size they were. They don’t know how good it feels to finally find a pair that fits perfectly; that lets your feet forget pain.

Do you know what? It’s easy to claim victim, but it’s hard to stand up and admit your wicked heart. It’s hard to accept responsibility and easy to shift blame. To walk around like the world owes you and your family but destroy someone at every turn with words and actions that belong on the playground.

It was hard to walk away, but it easy to leave!

New Year, New Resolution

Every time we celebrate a New Year, I remind myself that I am not making any resolutions and this year is no different. I didn’t plan to make any. In fact, I forgot as I was busy finishing a ham for a get together, trying to complete some end of year work that I had backed up and getting ready for New Year’s Eve service.

However, on quiet reflection, after the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, I thought why can’t I make a few resolutions. Not the cookie cutter ones like lose weight, save money, eat healthier; but I could make resolutions that can improve my life. So here they are:

Resolution #1: Start family game night. We have designated Wednesday evenings as the night and did it over the holidays. This is one way to reconnect as a family for a couple of hours. No television. No cell phone. No landline calls. It is scheduled in my calendar and the children have a host of games to play from Jenga to Uno we have it covered.

Resolution #2: Take up the saving plan of saving in $1 increments every week for 52 weeks. Okay so this is a bit cookie cutter but when I saw this online, I thought “maybe I can do this”.

Resolution #3: Read more. I have not read a book in over three years. I recently started reading the last book in the Crossfire series and I am about half way. I got bored. This never happened to me! I think it was culture shock – not the content of the novel but my inability to sit still for a couple of hours and lose myself in a book. So I am taking up this challenge!

Resolution #4: Become more charitable. I read a story of a father who purchased items at the Dollar Store (in Barbados, it will be the $3+ store) and filled Ziploc bags with them in case he ever met a homeless person who needed a meal or assistance. I thought why not go a step further and purchase items that I can give all year round. This is a work in progress but I plan to really work on this and maybe do a donation at year’s end.

Resolution #5: Spend more time discovering who I am both spiritually and personally. I recently helped coach a client for a job interview and asked her “Tell me about yourself”. She could not answer me. How many of us can answer that question? It got me asking myself “Just who are you?”. This year will be for me to learn that. I can love again without being afraid. I can let my children have their own experiences while I let go of my fear that something bad will happen if I don’t watch them 24/7. I can grow, mature and find me again.

These are my top five resolutions in random order. Did you make any? What are yours? Tell me by emailing girlinterruptedtoo@gmail.com

The Good, Bad and Ugly of My Gluten Free Life

It’s been about 8 weeks since my son was put on this gluten free diet and I have to say, without a doubt, that there have been moments during this time where I have prayed for patience and for some wheat! Let’s take a look at the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of my Gluten Free Life!

GOOD: My son is asthmatic and after being diagnosed with a chest infection we found out, that he had certain allergies that were affecting him. We removed the various foods that were causing him discomfort and since then he has improved a lot physically. I have found tons of great gluten free, dairy free, egg free products in the supermarket – wraps, chocolate chip cookies, cereal, chips to name a few. Plus he has a better selection of fruit and vegetables than before and a love/hate relationship with cassava and sweet potato!

BAD: When this whole thing started, I promised my son that I would eat whatever he was eating in solidarity. That was a bad idea. Never make promises your Gluten loving body can’t keep!!!!  I ended up cheating on the diet daily and hiding it from him. The worse thing about this dual world I have been living was the guilt.

Another bad was the unlimited amounts of whining that he did. I spent countless hours, when he was visiting his dad, with him calling me and complaining about the fact that he was hungry because he could not have a roti! Mind you, he just ate ten minutes ago! It seemed like an emotional roller coaster. After six weeks, I had had enough! I sat him down and told him that while I understood his frustration, he has to understand that it’s stressful on everyone. Maybe he got the message, because I no longer get the whiny calls.

UGLY: The worse part was me trying to make the world’s best bread. After trying three different types of flour, countless hours in the kitchen and spending over $100 on various types of Gluten Free flour, I realize that this was not the calling for me. For instance, I tried to make Gluten Free bread. It just never worked. I tried coconut flour, all purpose flour, tried both together. Nothing. I even complained to one Gluten Free company about one of their recipes online and they admitted that the recipe didn’t work in their test kitchen either (you don’t say). They send me two boxes of the same flour that didn’t work!

So I decided to purchase Gluten Free bread….after all, how bad could it be!!!!! The brand I tried tasted so terrible and made me itch so badly that I needed an antihistamine. After spending BBD$28 I would say that qualifies for the worlds most expensive bread! No bread for him! Sorry!

Of course, I know several people who don’t have this issue with Gluten Free flour so I know it must just be me. I have decided to make “bakes” for now using sweet potato flour and that works just fine!

I am no longer hiding my gluten addiction from my son! We try to make his meals similar to ours and he’s quite happy! It’s been about 8 weeks and life is moving along.

Are there any parents out there who have children with gluten sensitivity? I would love to hear your experiences.

Girl Interrupted Stars in “My Gluten Free Life”

Day four of my GFL actually brought some positive news and for the first time I saw my 8YO excited about food again. I made him 3 bakes this morning using the Orgran GF All purpose flour, cinammon, baking powder, salt and a bit of Splenda. Then I made applesauce using half of a gala apple, cinammon and a touch of Splenda. The applesauce burned as did the bakes but but was still tasty. He washed the bakes down with a cup of peppermint tea and was happy and perky to have something decent, albeit burned, to eat.

For lunch, they had brown rice (which is gluten free) with pigeon peas and baked chicken. The one thing I found out is that Worcestershire Sauce (item I use a lot of) contains vinegar as an ingredient, which the 8YO is allergic to. So I have to remember in the future to remove that from my pantry. Label reading is now an official sponsor of MGFL!!!

The one thing going GF has shown me is that there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Both kids are on board in a big way. They have decided to set their alarms to get up early and prepare meals with me and while I prefer working in solitude, I can’t kill their enthusiasm. It’s rather touching and hopefully will inspire them to create their own recipes. The lesson in this seems to be no matter the adversity, you can overcome it with determination and hard work.

Now if only there was something to stop them from squabbling….life could just be perfect.

Girl Interrupted Stars in “My Gluten Free Life”

It has been three days since our family switched to Gluten free living and I have to admit that I needed a day to cope with all of the stuff going through my head. What could I cook? How to cook it? When to cook it? In a nutshell, we have to send food to the school for my 8YO as most things offered are filled with gluten and are cooked with parsley, thyme and carrots. Things he cannot eat! However, this gluten free living is driving me a little batty!!!

My 8YO has become obsessed with food and he has also become a big nag! Yes, I said it. We took the gluten away and now it has been replaced with a gluttonous nag! Yesterday he insisted that I send him the list of things he cannot eat AND a list of things he CAN eat (like I don’t have enough to do). I then had to send the same list to his father and grandmother because these two high functioning adults can’t relate to the fact that if the list says these are the items he can’t eat, everything else is fair game. So, my gluten free mind was peeved when I had to explain to the grandmother why she could not give him mayonnaise…..it’s made with eggs…..he’s allergic……..don’t give him! Was my impassioned cry.

Let me say this! Gluten free baking is not for the fainthearted. I tried to make bread and followed the recipe which I mentioned in a previous blog. After my disaster, I decided to email the manufacturer who informed me that I would have had to add baking powder or bicarbonate soda in order for the bread to rise. Isn’t that what yeast is for? Clearly that was not in the recipe. So I have lodged a complaint with their technical department and expect a resolution in 14-21 days!

Breakfast was a battle the kids were down by their father last night. I received a telephone call from my 11YO who asked me to speak to the 8YO who did not want to eat the Gluten free oats for breakfast. As I tried to remember that we are all adjusting I told the grandmother “if he doesn’t want the oats, DON’T GIVE HIM! Let him get some tea and eat some plantain”. She seemed to think I was a monster for “starving her precious grandchild but I was in no mood to deal with her tantrum at 6am while I was trying to get ready for work.

For lunch he had sweet potato and beef and then his grandmother made him GF pasta with pink salmon for dinner (yuck) which was eaten on the way home and still had room for a bowl of fresh fruit and a watermelon smoothie with raw honey.

On the upside, the 8YO has been researching recipes and we are making pancakes for breakfast with applesauce and brown rice with chicken for lunch. I am looking for gluten free wraps which he can have for dinner with chicken in peanut sauce. I have Krys to thank for that tip who has been a sounding board of support and gave so many tips I think my head spun twice! The other good thing is that GFL has sharpened the reading skills of the 8YO. Going to the supermarket is an adventure as we had straight for the Specialty aisle and he reads everything and tells me what to buy.

The journey continues and it’s going to have its ups and downs but we are a few days in with a long way to go. How will we make it? Continue to follow my blog and chart this journey of Gluten Free Living with us.

Until next time, I am Girl Interrupted.

Girl Interrupted “My Gluten Free Life”

It’s day two of my Gluten Free Life (GFL) and I have to say that if I had to rely on doing without gluten for my health I would starve. First off, I decided to buy Gluten Free all purpose flour so that I could bake the world’s best GF bread. I went on the website for Orgran and found a nice recipe that seemed simple enough to follow. What the recipe DOES NOT tell us newbs is that the flour feels very sticky and you can’t get it off until you wash it off. I baked it for the allotted 30-35 minutes and the center was STILL wet. I have never had this much trouble with flour yet! It behaves just like my 8YO and that is not a compliment. My bread did not look like this one………..*sour grapes* NB:

Needless to say, I will not be using this flour again. I have instead found Ezekiel bread in the frozen section of the supermarket and will be buying that for future reference. It would be nice to keep trying until I get it right……but at $15 a box….I might as well purchase already done bread and spare myself the heart break.

Girl Interrupted stars in “My Gluten Free Life”

We all think that our children will be perfect and nothing bad could touch them. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. My second child (better known as the 8YO) has had everything in the book – from night terrors to thumb sucking and asthma.

Last week the 8YO was hospitalized with a chest infection. Yesterday, on the insistence of his paternal grandmother, we took him to a Complementary doctor who did a blood sample and showed us how his body is actually out of balance. Thankfully, there were no issues with his blood but we had to do an allergy test.

The allergy test was conducted and as it turns out it seems that we have been feeding the child toxins all these years, not intentionally, but unknowingly. Here are the major things he’s allergic to:-

Squash, Airborne allergens (plant based), vinegar based stuff, detergents (he can only use hypoallergenic – Dreft and Ivory come to mind), thyme, tomatoes (no ketchup or BBQ sauce), dill, eggplant (night shade foods), saccharine, PORK, CURRY powder (how is this not encoded into his DNA), cat hair, peaches, penicillin, string beans, pollen, oranges, mushrooms, sunflower seeds, SHELLFISH, Codfish, pasteurized milk, malt, carrots, PARSLEY, radish, EGGS!

We have to clean his mattress every week with tea tree oil, lavender and baking soda, sprinkle, leave for a few hours and then vacuum. The mattress also needs to be turned every week.

We have to eliminate all of the above food items for 4-6 weeks. We can then reintroduce some of the foods (no gluten) one at a time (just like he’s a newborn) to see which are His vitamins and minerals are low and he is gluten sensitive! She re-balanced his system (something to do with histamines).

So like any Type A parent, we headed for the Natural food stores to purchase everything Gluten related because I have to support my “baby”. I bought Coconut flour, gluten free oats, a few natural fruit juice boxes and loads of fruit. It’s amazing when we shopped how some products will say gluten free but contain sugar or an ingredient from the list above that he could not eat. This made shopping depressing but I did put a positive spin to it.

Cooking gluten free will take some getting used to. Breakfast was interesting to say the least. He hated the oats because he could not have any sweetener and I have never actually cooked oats (I always bought instant) so it was not perfect. I tried my hand at coconut banana bread but that coconut flour will take some getting used to…..it was grainy and did not come out perfect. The 8YO still ate a couple slices but I almost gagged on taste….great smell though. After the failed Gluten morning, I gave him some watermelon and cantaloupe which he gladly devoured. Thankfully, lunch was much better. We both had a simple meal of sweet potato with lemon pepper chicken.

In between lunch and dinner he started to feel a bit sad because he has all these other snacks that he can’t eat. However, I took him for a drive and that cheered him up a bit. For dinner, we had a cup of lemon grass tea sans sugar and he actually drank it (I supported him and drank tea sans sweetener) and it was not bad. We had a bit of microwave popcorn (which contains milk, so no more of that) while watching a movie.

After the movie, my 8YO looked for recipes on his own to make Gluten pancakes without eggs. We found a great recipe and if I am brave enough (and it looks good) I will post about it.

Check out this blog for more on “My Gluten Free Life” as I track and try to remove Gluten from my diet to support my son. If you have any tips (or good recipes) please share them here.

Until next time, I am Girl Interrupted “My Gluten Free Life”

Divorce and Abuse

I never knew the name of what I felt. In fact, that would be inaccurate because I knew the name just never attributed it to my life. For years I stayed silent and just watched as the entire relationship continued to disintegrate. Abuse. A five letter word that is short but speaks volumes even to those who not only read it but live it every day.

In retrospect, people ask you “Why did you stay?” and your answer is non-existent because even you are not sure why you stayed. Was it fear for your life? Or was it because you thought you had to make it work? Whatever the reasons I believe that you only stay until staying is not an option any more.

There were 14 turbulent years of aggressive shouting matches back and forth and what started with being grabbed and pushed around. Never a lash to the body but many threats to by way of being grabbed by both shoulders and shaken or pushed around, or having that person’s hand landing very near to your body as a way to show you how hard you could have been hit. These actions made you scared and angry at the same time but at the time you had an 18 month old to deal with and had already given up your life to move to another country. Maybe reasoning would help and for a while it would until the next time.

Sometimes you miss the little signs but then again that’s a lie. Thinking back to the arguments that erupted even during the dating phase and realize that the writing was on the proverbial wall. Times when your gut told you to get out but you stayed hoping it would get better. Or maybe that time you were given a new phone by a client and the jealously came out and you were cursed every which way. Eleven years later the option of relocating to a foreign country to get a fresh start became a farce because that chip on the shoulder reared its ugly head and every attempt at success became a nightmare.

They say that turning a major milestone can have a profound effect on your life. For me it was turning 40 and finding my spiritual balance. I looked at what my life would be in 10 years if I remained in this relationship and did not like what I saw. It would be the same angry existence and I was raising two children – one of each gender. What kind of lessons was I teaching them? To my daughter, was I teaching her to stay regardless of how bad it got and that it was the way a man would treat her? To my son, was I teaching him that this is how you proved your manhood? To be aggressive and abusive in the name of love? Was this how he would treat other women?

Having had to cope with both physical and emotional abuse was not an easy task. Being told you were nothing or that you came from nothing did not sit well and slowly your self-esteem dropped to low levels. Where was the girl of 1990? Surely she was lost forever but there were bits of her somewhere, hiding, scared to even look out.

Having gone through a fairly unpleasant but not nasty divorce you learn a few things about yourself and your spouse.

1. The abuser will never see himself in that role. In fact, he will genuinely tell people that he has no idea why the divorce occurred.

2. The battle of who gets the friends can be a silent one that you are not even aware of. Everyone takes sides and those who do not, ignore you.

3. Your married friends suddenly treat you differently. They no longer invite you to their parties and you are left in limbo because suddenly you are the third wheel.

4. Getting involved in a new relationship, even six months to a year later can have both great and disastrous consequences. The new guy has to be really strong and understanding and that can be difficult at times on both sides.

5. Your kids can be strong and resilient but that doesn’t mean they are not hurting. They hate when you cry and sometimes provide comfort like no one can because their love for you is different.

6. You learn how to fix things you never had to like plumbing and furniture. In fact that pretty much sums up your day but it is rewarding because you get a sense of achievement at the end.

7. Your ex husband will still be bitter and abusive AFTER the divorce. Mine took to cursing me out once and then banging up my car in anger with his fists. He later denied this to the police just like he denied we were having problems.

8. Former in-laws and family will be bitter and treat you like the pariah because you dared to break up your family. Suddenly you are called every name in the book.

9. Your ex husband still feels he is entitled to details of your life so he turns to emotional blackmail of the kids. He would also tell them that the reason you are not a family anymore “is because of mummy”. Thankfully, the kids are old enough to separate fact from fiction even if they say nothing.

10. The decision to leave was the best decision for everyone concerned even if they don’t realize it yet.

Can abuse continue after divorce? In my case, yes. However, I choose not to give him any more power over my emotions and am taking slow steps to regain myself. Maybe it was the shock of the attack that sent me reeling into that dark place but no more. I have to be strong and fight this battle on my own.

If you have a story to share, please do by emailing girlinterruptedtoo@gmail.com.

Giving up Facebook

My subject line is technically incorrect because I cannot give up Facebook entirely. Having recently been provided with a few social media accounts, I use it for work purposes. What I have given up is my personal postings and sharing of information that I find online with my friends.

I have been using Facebook to sometimes retaliate on people that have annoyed me or when I feel like I have been shut out of someone’s life and that is not the main purpose for it. It’s to be social not anti-social.

There is no reason why, if my boyfriend annoys me that I should post an article that speaks to whether he truly loves me or not. Of course he loves me but at that point he annoyed me, the world doesn’t need to know that!

The funny thing is that now that I have “given up Facebook” I have seen so many great things to post but have refused so here are a few things I have noticed now that I have given up Facebook. For instance, I had to log into the Canada Revenue Agency this morning for the first time online. They sent me an email at 5:30am and I tried to log on at 5:45am but received a message that the website was closed and opens at 6am. How come one side is open and the other is closed? If this was in the Caribbean, where I am from I would utter the words “Government”!

I could comment on when I heard the dogs barking this morning and looked outside, saw the Meter reader from the Water Authority taking his monthly counts. I thought how archaic but I guess he is here before 6am and it provides employment so…..Or how both children woke up at 6:03am and immediately started arguing. I immediately rushed to drink my coffee, finish this post and give them both “the look”. Nothing like kids with your coffee…..makes it go faster. The argument was about who would shower first and that never happens.

I spent time with my son watching the first season in a series called Allegiance. If you have not watched it, please do, it’s great and the lead male, although not Channing Tatum hot, has a nice charm.

In all honesty, I feel free to just be. This has been a rough week emotionally which I will have to write about but I no longer feel the need to act passive/aggressive towards my friends via social media. No hints. No digs. No drama. That is probably the best lesson the past four (4) days have taught me.

There are probably more but I have noticed but the children are up and that means breakfast on the table and the mad rush to get out of the house (who am I kidding, it’s vacation time).

Until next time,

GI